Real Steel, Real Still

9:00 PM, Robinson's Place, Manila

While for others, what I’m going to do is as insignificant as a single grain of sand on a beach,  for me, my action for the next 2-3 hours is like a 50 feet tidal wave in its impact.

A milestone. A feat.

Yes. I have come to a decision, with scrupulous effort, that today would be the day that I would do something that I haven't done for a very long time. 

Watch a movie.

Alone.

The decision didn't come easy. It has always been "me-plus-friends" or "me-plus-boyfriend".  Unfortunately, the mathematics behind my life recently has spiraled depressingly downbeat. I am now “me-minus-boyfriend”.

It took 3 friends to encourage me to jackhammer reason in me and 1 month to pickup myself, dust myself of and finally break my shell of depression and start walking towards the light of independence.

Gotta learn how to walk first. Then hopefully soon, run.   

I never watch a movie alone. I think we have established that. Going inside the dark, cold hall of motion pictures and mesmerizingly watch as the flickers of the silver screen synchs with the booming surround sound often overwhelms me. Now, it also reminds me of how Mavié and I are kindred spirit and how movies moves us like Mosses parting the red sea. Just thinking of these moments with him only do nothing but throws stabs of cardiac pain every time I think of it.  

I admit. This is going to be throbbingly difficult but I also know that I need to do this. Like what Keith Urban said, “It’s gonna hurt bad before it gets better.”

So, with 2 unsuccessful attempts, I'm now inside Robinson’s Place Cinema choosing between a local movie about infidelity, a film about brawling robots or a motion picture about a lunar science fiction thriller. Either way, the fact remains. I'm there choosing a film to watch sans Mavié. Progress, at least.

After 30 minutes of thorough evaluation. I'm inside Cinema 6 with a Grandé Watermelon Pearl Shake and a bucket of sour cream flavored popcorn watching teaser after teaser of movies coming soon and due early next year. Soon the last minute full show already started. I’ve chosen a 2 hour, 7 minute, Action/ Adventure, Real Steel.

Why? The Filipino Adult film, “No Other Woman” may boast of comedic love triangle with unforgettable lines reminiscent of the golden age of Philippine Cinema however, it will only remind me of Mavié’s infidelity. I’m just not ready for that. On the other hand, the suspense/fantasy “Apollo 18” would only give me nightmares for the next couple of weeks and I don’t need to be stressed any more.

So there I was enjoying the Father and son team up in a sport of boxing gone hi-tech. Fairly safe for my first movie alone and while Real Steel is hampered by leaden, clichéd moments in which a stubborn boy teaches his childish father a valuable lesson, at least the well-paced action is rarely creaky.

Real Steel is worth the money and one Sunday night.

Real still, I went out of the cinema happy and proud that I have done it but wishing I had seen it with him.

Future Boyfriend

I was getting really bored playing Cityville, Zooworld and Zynga Poker via Facebook and getting really horny when I decided to stop building my own real estate empire ala Zobel de Ayala for a while in exchange for selling my soul to the devil and satisfy my thirst for hot and steamy night games.

I haven’t open my “PR” account for more than a year so I was surprised when I found out that my sinful account is still active and screaming for attention.

Getting a serious date from a gay social website, were the main goal is to fornicate (in all essence of the word) was never my intention. After all, what could be more fun than having a no strings attached fuck-o-rama with a guy or two?

And since I recently found myself single and ready to fucking mingle, I have decided that I am exercising my God given gay right to bonk as many guy as possible.

So there I was, browsing over the list of hot and not so hot men who is both near my area and currently online when his profile shout-out caught my attention.

It reads: “Wrong love, right time. Right love, wrong time.”

I looked at the picture and he got my little soldier tingling.

Boy was he cute! He looked like a member of a Korean boyband... my kind of boy toy.

It was even more surprising when he sent me a message.

 “Hi. Thanks for viewing my profile =)” It said.

I then realized that he can actually check the people who viewed his profile. What more can I do but replied back.?

“=) You got me interested with your profile shout-out.”

And then I don’t know what hit me that I sent another text message before he replied on the first one.

“Wanna hang out later?”

-----------------
5 hours later, I’m at SM Valenzuela picking him up. It was raining hard so we decided to just spend the night drinking at a nearby comedy bar.

We got to know each other. And after just 30 minutes with him, I knew we had a connection.

I admit, I enjoyed his company. He's intelligence was just as impressive as his KPop persona. We were talking about a lot of things and he kept my mind off of "some" things. That night it was just me and him. and I'm happy that it was.

I can spend the whole day just by looking at his eyes. I get lost when I watch his smile. I can waste forever and just hug him for all eternity… or at least I think I can.

Needless to say, I like him.

I was already half drunk and busy oogling at him when I heard the comedian-slash-comedienne shout out his name. His eyes shouted suprise as he went in front and up the stage reeled by the host-slash-hostess.

“Who are you with?”

“I’m with Sylvan” He answered.

“Who is he?”

“My future boyfriend.” He declared with a grin that reduced his Korean eyes to a slit.

Future Boyfriend. That’s me to him.

I said to myself, with schizophrenic caution, this is fast and I mean supersonic fast.

Sure I’m having a blast and I can feel we had a connection not to mention that we held hands the whole night stealing kisses here and there. But I wasn’t expecting anything other than having a good time... in or out of the bed.

So up on the stage, he sang “Wherever you will go” by the Calling and Parokya ni Edgar’s “Halaga” for me.

And as I watch him belting the songs that he dedicated to me with his killer smile flashing directly at our table, I knew I am trudging an über dangerous road.

I know he is not Maviè.

He is someone else...

And just like what’s his profile said, I waited for the night to end, kiss him goodnight and went home sending him one last text message.

For You Bro

I know that you’re gone for more than 4 years already and I would like to think that you are just there somewhere watching over me.

I want and need you to know that I love you very much and I miss you everyday. Nothing can compare to what you have given me. Time has gone on, but the pain of knowing that I lost you doesn't make it any easier still. I still find myself wishing that it wasn't true.

I miss you. You’re my brother, my best friend, my confidant. I love you with all my heart. You gave me something that I will never forget: You helped make me who I always was meant to be. I know that you would want me to move on and for the longest time, I haven’t but now, I’m happy to say that I have. Life is not the same without you though. And I wish I could share everything that I have to you like we did before.

There have been others, but I find myself trying to compare them to you and they don't measure up. I think I found one but he is not you and you can never be replaced. Still, he is like you in some ways and we have shared things and enjoyed stuff like you and I did before. I’m happy I have found him.

Thank you Yanni. You were the brother I never had. I’m lucky that you were, and still are, the best friend I ever had.

Rest in peace bro.

I wish I could have gotten to say goodbye.

Coming Out of the Military Closet

An airman tells his dad he is gay as ‘don’t ask’ policy of the US Military disappears.

The military's ban on openly gay service officially ended yesterday and already one member of the Air Force has shared a video of his personal journey out of the closet.

A 21-year-old servicemember who had been keeping an anonymous VLog about his quest to come out to his girlfriend, family, and comrades posted a video of his call to his father this morning to tell him he is gay. His father pauses before saying, "I still love you son. Doesn't change our relationship."

Watching this video made me hopeful that soon, "discrimination" is going to be nothing but a footnote.

Day Dream Erotica

I woke up drowsily from my sleep as he slowly brushed his finger on the contours of my body. I fell asleep waiting for him. His kiss in my lips gently warmed my body and dragged me out of my daze. Under the white satin sheet that barely covered my lower body, I was as naked as I was born. I smiled as I watch him move back from the bed and removed his clothing.

Now we were both naked. Raw.

He joined me in the bed that we have shared for years and held me tenderly. As I lay my head against his impressive chest, I could hear his heartbeat and felt his strength. It was the strength of a man who does not want to let go.

Every breath sent shivers through my body.  Every caress of his hands made my aching erection scream towards climax.  He knew exactly how to touch me.  He knew exactly where to stroke, with the right speed for the right moment.

He then lied on top of me and gave me a deep, passionate kiss until he brought me into a shuddering orgasm. His touch continued to be perfect. Soon, he sprayed stream after stream of his hot cum.

I felt like we were connected more intimately than ever.

We continued to kiss. I want to have all of his essence. He wanted more of mine. After the intense exchange of love and lust, we were both spent.  We drifted into a peaceful sleep content in each other's arms.

I often dream of such a perfect union between us. But then, beneath the warm, almost hot, spray of water in the gym shower, I woke up from my trance with tears from eyes knowing that the realization of this dream is like finding a needle in a haystack.

We parted ways 3 weeks ago and I’m afraid that’s it.

Elevator Blues

Hapon na nang ako'y nagising.

Alam kong hapon na dahil di na mainit na liwanag ang pumapasok sa aking bintana. Nagaaway ang dilaw at pulang sinag ng araw ang tumatagos at gumagapang sa loob ng aking kwarto.

Okay lang naman. Sabado ngayon at walang pasok.

Bumangon ako at nagtimpla ng kape. Habang dahan dahan kong pinaiikot ang kutsarita sa mainit na tinimpla, humarap ako sa bintana at masayang pinanood and dahang dahang paglubog ng araw at paghalik nito sa malawak na karagatan. Naisip ko, pagkaganda-gandang tignan ng araw sa dapit hapon.

Nang matapos kong mainom ang ginawa kong kape, bumalik ako sa kusina at marahang inilagay sa lababo ang tasa. Sa sahig, tinali ko ang "bag" na naglalaman nang aking basura at dinala ito sa labas ng kwarto ko para maitapon. Mabilis akong nagsuot ng sando dahil kailangan ko pang bumaba ng isang palapag para maitapon sa "garbage chute" ang basura kong dala.

Sira ang "garbage shoot" sa "floor" namin kaya kailangang umakyat o bumaba ng isang palapag para maitapon ang aming basura. Dahil isang palapag lang naman ang aking bababain, di na ako sumakay ng elevator at pinili kong gamitin na lang ang "service stairs".

Nagpo-protestang umiyak ang kina-kalawang na pintuan ng "garbage shoot" ng ito ay binuksan. Ganun din ang paglalangit-ngit nito matapos siyang gamitin at isara. Nakasalubong ko ang huling gumamit ng "garbage shoot" sa mahabang daan ng kanilang palapag. At ng kami na ay magkaharap, kami ay nagkatanginan na tila bang may binabangit sa isat-isa. Gusto ko sanang hawakan siya, kausapin ngunit hawak ko ang mabigat na itim na plastic ng basura kaya wala akong nagawa kundi maglakad ng diretso at panoorin siyang lumayo.

Isinara ko ang pinto ng aking unit pero di ang isip sa lalaking nakasalubong. Pinilit na tinapos ang binabasang libro pero walang pumapasok sa isip kundi ang mga mata ng nasa ibabang palapag. Huminto na lang ako sa pagbabasa at bumalik ulit sa tapat ng bintana kasabay ng pagbukas ng isang malamig na serbesa. Pinanood kong lumubog ang araw hangang lamunin siya ng dagat upang magbigay daan sa paglabas ng buwan at mga bituin sa pusod ng langit.

Muli ko pa ba siyang makikita?

Makaaraan ang isang oras. Nasa harap na ako ng elevator at inaayos ang suot kong polo. Mula sa isa sa mga kalapit na unit sa floor ko, tumutugtog nang pagkalakas-lakas ang "Ships" ni Barry Manilow... "We're still here. It's just that we're out of sight. Like those ships that pass in the night...". Naiisip ko, kailangan kong lumabas, kailangan kong gumala... kailangan ko ito.

Bumaba na ang elevator ilang segundo pagkatapos kong pumasok… at ilang segundo ulit ang nagdaan ng ito ay muling bumukas.

Mabilis siyang pumasok sa loob ng maliit na kahong bakal. May mga tao na sa loob ng elevator. Isang babae at lalake na magkaholding hands... at sa likod nila, ako. "Uhm, hello." marahan niyang nabangit bago pumuwesto sa kabilang kanto ng likod ng elevator.

"Hello," Sagot ko naman.

Makintab ang mga bakal na pader ng elevator. Kitang-kita mo ang repleksyon ng lahat ng nasa loob. Ang magkahawak na kamay nung dalawa sa harapan namin, ang malaking mukha ni "Mickey Mouse" sa itim na tshirt nang lalaki, ang naguumbukang dib-dib nang babae... at ang marahang pagtitinginan naming dalawa sa apat na nagkikintabang pader ng bumababang sasakyan.

Bumukas ang pinto ng elevator at lumabas na ang mag-syota sa "6th floor"

5...

4...

3...

2...

"Sylvan." "Sean."

Sabay naming nasambit ang aming mga pangalan kalakip ang nagtatamisang ngiti.

Free Rapid HIV Testing – Quick and Confidential Results

While the rest of the world mourns the first decade of the twin destruction of the World Trade Center in New York last Sunday, I remembered my own ground zero moment (I just broke up with Mavié) by going to the free HIV confidential counseling and testing event sponsored by the LOVE YOURSELF PROJECT.

We were together for the last year and 2 months and I trust him enough (much to my dismay) to do the nasties bareback. When I found out that he was cheating, I figured, I should better get myself checked.

And checked I did that day plus more…

I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t even know where the testing center was. The thing that really had me fished and reeled to this event was that it’s going to be performed on a discreet place.

 When I got there, I got myself checked in on the registration. Then it was followed by a focus group discussion led by a peer educator then the actual blood extraction and test squeezed in between the pre-test and post-test  analysis by a license doctor.

I can say that I’m pretty well-informed as far as HIV / AIDS and Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI’s) are concerned however, the knowledge I got on the focus group discussion really got my STI education matriculate big time. That alone was already worth spending my whole afternoon for.

Another thing that I notice is the warmth and friendliness of the people organizing this initiative. I really felt taken care of.

The fact that the result was favorable was also something to rejoice.

Anyway, I encourage everyone to take the test, discreet testing centers or not, so here is a repost of a Manila Gay Guy (Migs) Original Blog. If I here another testing soon, I’ll definitely have it posted.

Again, protect yourself. Take the test.

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A member of the new group Take The Test Inc. sent the following information – I’m posting this for those who would like to have their FREE HIV test and get the results quickly:

MANILA

a. Manila Social Hygiene Clinic (near SM San Lazaro / Tayuman / San Lazaro Hospital..) Mondays to Fridays only 8am-2pm – results after 30 mins

QUEZON CITY

a. Batasan Social Hygiene Clinic (near Batasan..) Mondays to Fridays only 8am-2pm – results after 20-30 mins

b. Proj. 7 Social Hygiene Clinic (Bansalangin St. Teachers Village near SM North) Monday to Friday only 8am-3pm – results after 20-30 mins

c. Bernardo Social Hygiene Clinic ( at the back of Ramon Magsaysay High School, CUBAO) Monday to Friday 8am-3pm – results after 20-30 mins

PASAY

a. Pasay Social Hygiene Clinic (Pasay City Hall – Mon – Thurs 9am to 11am only) – results in the afternoon

CALOOCAN

a. Caloocan Social Hygiene Clinic (Caloocan City Hall – Monday TO Friday only 8am-3pm) – results after 20-30 mins

And a gentle reminder — if you do not want to go alone, why not tag along a friend. Or, if you’re scared, talk to Jake (monkeyboy589@yahoo.com) he’s willing to accompany you through the process.