Friday, September 7, 2012

Our Prologue (RAW)

Dislcaimer: I just want to publish this before I forget. Please bear with my spelling errors and grammar lapses. I'll take care of that as soon as possible. #GrammarNazi

We found each other in the most unexpected time on a very familiar territory.

Or should I say, I found you again.

Half a year ago, I found myself facing the world without bitterness and hatred.

As for you, I really don't know...

even now.


Back then, our aqcuaintances were bounded by occasions. Ones that I always look forward to.

I can still the remember the first time I saw you.

An invitation prompted me to attend a wedding banquet over a decade ago. That's when fate decided to paint you in my life canvas. It was my bestfriend's boyfriend's sister's union to her Japanese beau.

While my bestfriend walked the isle along with the other members of the matrimonial entourage, I sat alone in the table reserved for his boyfriend's friends boringly played the silverwares on top of the cheap cream colored table cloth.

I counted the lace adorned, plastic chairs. The table was for 8.

Counting me, JM (my bestfriend), Redge (JM's BF), Sonny and James, who's already there, and not considering one chair extra, I knew the two seats left were for you and your boyfriend.

I knew Sonny and James as I have met them once and again before the wedding started. But as for you, I ownly knew you by name.

"Hi" Your then boyfriend said to me breaking my abnoxious effort to play a tune with the fork and two differently filled glass.

I smiled.

"Ikaw siguro si Sylvan. Yung bestfriend ni JM."

I nodded.

"I'm Kit." He continued offering his hand.

"Hi." I answered as I accepted his handshake.

"Si T.V. pala. Boyfriend ko." He said nodding to your direction.

Recalling that moment, that time I first lay my eyes on you, you never said a word... or at least I never heard you utter a word. Your softspoken, boyish charms was not much too me then but even then, I knew you were special.

You may not know this but over the years, I went in and out of three relationship but I always made sure that I kept tabs on you.... probably my inherent desire to keep you.

I was furious when I found out that Kit cheated on you long before you did. Even Pao, my partner then, didn't understand why I was so affected. I always thought that it's because you are a friend and I want all my friends to be happy.

Now I know that it's for a different reason.

I wondered how were you holding up after that. I wondered... until now.

Years have past and we agreed to see each other... again.

This time, some things has changed.

I was single, and you were too.

But more importantly, some things has not.

Cause even now, I still care for you.

As for our future, I have no clue. But I guess I'm taking this as an answer to my prayers.

And so we decide to meet.  

Sunday, September 2, 2012


I woke up with a head splitting headache.

A dim stream of light emanating from the lamppost contaminated my dark bedroom. Faint laughs of familiar voices violated my warm yet silent ambiance.

I closed my eyes again willing my mind and body to sleep.

I was neither tired nor restless. In fact, I have been in deep slumber all day.

I don’t wanna wake up.

Because waking up meant dealing with reality. A battle that I’m not sure would go my way.

After a while, I can no longer suspend it. With a soft sigh and a firm curse, I grabbed my pack of cigarette on my side table, lighted a stick while walking to the open window just in time for me to offer the rich nicotine-rich smoke to the night.

I started smoking again not because “he” does too. I smoking again during the time I met him was just a coincidence.

I peeped outside trying to keep myself busy. Trying to keep myself from not being idle but with each drag of smoke, my mind, which I try so hard to contain, wandered.

And treaded dangerous waters.

I desperately shook it off my mind by lighting another stick but to no avail.

I look back at my side table. Even in the darkness I can see my phones neatly placed right on it silently lying to each other side by side.


They were silent the whole day. Not even a ring.

I’m a deep sleeper but when it comes to my phone I always get up and answer it. But still, I entertained the fact that maybe it did ring it’s just that it didn’t wake me up.

I hoped. That’s all I can do these days.

With a last puff, I dragged my feet slowly towards the table trying to delay the inevitable.

I grabbed the one in the middle, cradled it in my hand and pressed the home button.

“0” new message. “0” missed calls.

Same goes for my other two.

Acrid bile filled my mouth. It’s metallic taste adding more bitterness to my depression.

I hate it when I’m alone and depressed. It makes me think and analyze things.

And then assume.

And then analyze again.

Not knowing what he thinks or feels make me just believe on what I assume. And to a person who overanalyzes things. It’s a nightmare.

Fifteen minutes later I’m in my neighbour’s house drinking... trying to fill up the emptiness and the void left in me. 5 hours later, I’m drunk but still thinking... analyzing.

Back in my room, I’m lying on my bed, staring at my silver ceiling. The rays of the morning sun reflecting its shine on it, trying to comprehend his sudden coldness.

I can bear it no longer. I gave in.

I took my phone and composed a message. In my attempt to pour out my emotions, I sent this.