Saturday, December 1, 2012

Looking at the Mirror

Author Unknown

One day all the employees reached the office and they saw a big advice on the door on which it was written: “Yesterday the person who has been hindering your growth in this company passed away. We invite you to join the funeral in the room that has been prepared in the gym”.  In the beginning, they all got sad for the death of one of their colleagues, but after a while they started getting curious to know who was that man who hindered the growth of his colleagues and the company itself.

The excitement in the gym was such that security agents were ordered to control the crowd within the room. The more people reached the coffin, the more the excitement heated up. Everyone thought: “Who is this guy who was hindering my progress? Well, at least he died!”  One by one the thrilled employees got closer to the coffin, and when they looked inside it they suddenly became speechless.  They stood nearby the coffin, shocked and in silence, as if someone had touched the deepest part of their soul. There was a mirror inside the coffin: everyone who looked inside it could see himself.

There was also a sign next to the mirror that said: “There is only one person who is capable to set limits to your growth: it is YOU.” You are the only person who can revolutionize your life. You are the only person who can influence your happiness, your realization and your success. You are the only person who can help yourself.  Your life does not change when your boss changes, when your friends change, when your partner changes, when your company changes. Your life changes when YOU change, when you go beyond your limiting beliefs, when you realize that you are the only one responsible for your life. “The most important relationship you can have is the one you have with yourself."

Friday, September 7, 2012

Our Prologue (RAW)

Dislcaimer: I just want to publish this before I forget. Please bear with my spelling errors and grammar lapses. I'll take care of that as soon as possible. #GrammarNazi

We found each other in the most unexpected time on a very familiar territory.

Or should I say, I found you again.

Half a year ago, I found myself facing the world without bitterness and hatred.

As for you, I really don't know...

even now.


Back then, our aqcuaintances were bounded by occasions. Ones that I always look forward to.

I can still the remember the first time I saw you.

An invitation prompted me to attend a wedding banquet over a decade ago. That's when fate decided to paint you in my life canvas. It was my bestfriend's boyfriend's sister's union to her Japanese beau.

While my bestfriend walked the isle along with the other members of the matrimonial entourage, I sat alone in the table reserved for his boyfriend's friends boringly played the silverwares on top of the cheap cream colored table cloth.

I counted the lace adorned, plastic chairs. The table was for 8.

Counting me, JM (my bestfriend), Redge (JM's BF), Sonny and James, who's already there, and not considering one chair extra, I knew the two seats left were for you and your boyfriend.

I knew Sonny and James as I have met them once and again before the wedding started. But as for you, I ownly knew you by name.

"Hi" Your then boyfriend said to me breaking my abnoxious effort to play a tune with the fork and two differently filled glass.

I smiled.

"Ikaw siguro si Sylvan. Yung bestfriend ni JM."

I nodded.

"I'm Kit." He continued offering his hand.

"Hi." I answered as I accepted his handshake.

"Si T.V. pala. Boyfriend ko." He said nodding to your direction.

Recalling that moment, that time I first lay my eyes on you, you never said a word... or at least I never heard you utter a word. Your softspoken, boyish charms was not much too me then but even then, I knew you were special.

You may not know this but over the years, I went in and out of three relationship but I always made sure that I kept tabs on you.... probably my inherent desire to keep you.

I was furious when I found out that Kit cheated on you long before you did. Even Pao, my partner then, didn't understand why I was so affected. I always thought that it's because you are a friend and I want all my friends to be happy.

Now I know that it's for a different reason.

I wondered how were you holding up after that. I wondered... until now.

Years have past and we agreed to see each other... again.

This time, some things has changed.

I was single, and you were too.

But more importantly, some things has not.

Cause even now, I still care for you.

As for our future, I have no clue. But I guess I'm taking this as an answer to my prayers.

And so we decide to meet.  

Sunday, September 2, 2012


I woke up with a head splitting headache.

A dim stream of light emanating from the lamppost contaminated my dark bedroom. Faint laughs of familiar voices violated my warm yet silent ambiance.

I closed my eyes again willing my mind and body to sleep.

I was neither tired nor restless. In fact, I have been in deep slumber all day.

I don’t wanna wake up.

Because waking up meant dealing with reality. A battle that I’m not sure would go my way.

After a while, I can no longer suspend it. With a soft sigh and a firm curse, I grabbed my pack of cigarette on my side table, lighted a stick while walking to the open window just in time for me to offer the rich nicotine-rich smoke to the night.

I started smoking again not because “he” does too. I smoking again during the time I met him was just a coincidence.

I peeped outside trying to keep myself busy. Trying to keep myself from not being idle but with each drag of smoke, my mind, which I try so hard to contain, wandered.

And treaded dangerous waters.

I desperately shook it off my mind by lighting another stick but to no avail.

I look back at my side table. Even in the darkness I can see my phones neatly placed right on it silently lying to each other side by side.


They were silent the whole day. Not even a ring.

I’m a deep sleeper but when it comes to my phone I always get up and answer it. But still, I entertained the fact that maybe it did ring it’s just that it didn’t wake me up.

I hoped. That’s all I can do these days.

With a last puff, I dragged my feet slowly towards the table trying to delay the inevitable.

I grabbed the one in the middle, cradled it in my hand and pressed the home button.

“0” new message. “0” missed calls.

Same goes for my other two.

Acrid bile filled my mouth. It’s metallic taste adding more bitterness to my depression.

I hate it when I’m alone and depressed. It makes me think and analyze things.

And then assume.

And then analyze again.

Not knowing what he thinks or feels make me just believe on what I assume. And to a person who overanalyzes things. It’s a nightmare.

Fifteen minutes later I’m in my neighbour’s house drinking... trying to fill up the emptiness and the void left in me. 5 hours later, I’m drunk but still thinking... analyzing.

Back in my room, I’m lying on my bed, staring at my silver ceiling. The rays of the morning sun reflecting its shine on it, trying to comprehend his sudden coldness.

I can bear it no longer. I gave in.

I took my phone and composed a message. In my attempt to pour out my emotions, I sent this.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012


I know only a handful, if not none, read my sweet adventures. Still, I would like to express my deepest apologies for my very long hiatus from the literary cyber-world.

Call it writer's block.

or literary lapse.

I call it a cocktail of both with a dash of time constraints.

Either way, I apologize.

I hope I can make it up to you guys moving forward.


Saturday, August 4, 2012

Good Morning

I woke in the early dawn to the sound of the wind rustling in my open window and heavy rain beating the roof like a drum line.

I stretched slowly, and felt my leg slide against yours. I always loved how smooth your legs are. 

Warm and comfortable, I turned to look at you, watching you lying in my bed peacefully. 

I can see the gray sky through the window... monsoon clouds still crying hard. 

You had that secret, satisfied look when you sleep, the one that always makes me wonder what you are dreaming about, hoping that it's me. 

Hoping that it is me. 

You're so beautiful lying there that I don't want to wake you yet. So I gently ease back the covers, thinking I'll just look at you. 

You lay there, on your back, exposed in the gloomy morning light and I can't believe how lucky I am to be with you. 

I can't help wanting to touch you so I lean over and trace my finger along your shoulder. I lightly wrote the same 3 words I always do before we sleep.

You stir, not waking, and ease over on your side, facing me. 

I sense you waking as you run your hands through my shoulder down to my hand. 

I can feel your manhood slowly throb and I then realized what you are up to.

You know I want you but you don't know how much. 

...and then you pull my hand to your pole. 

I went down to your cock and took you deep into my mouth as I grabbed your balls. 

I want to have you everyday but I never wanted to force myself or push what I wanted to you.

It matters to me more when I know that you want me too.

I hope you do.

I eased off on your cock and started licking your nuts, letting them slide on my checks, nestling on each side of my nose as I work them with my tongue. 

You moaned softly. I know you love this.

I went back to your pole and I grasp it with both hands, stroking it, watching my palms go up and down, your hard manhood sliding in and out. 

I looked at your face. You smiled.

And I melt inside. 

You arch up, and spread a little, it's a dance we've done many times.

Your cock is now standing tall, 

I can't believe this, how every time is like the first and how lucky I am to be with you. 

I reached up and squeezed your tit hard as I wrapped my lips around your throbbing member. 

You grabbed my head and pushed me in hard burying your pole deeper in my mouth. I choked but I didn't care.

You shoot deep inside my mouth. I can feel your rod pulsing as massive spurts of your warm juice filled my mouth. 

I swallowed... for many reasons.

One of which is the fact that I want you. 

I lay in your arms, melting in you and we lay there in the glow of each other, not even thinking of moving, not for a while, anyway. 

We have each other. 

Or at least I know for that moment, I have you.

And you’re all that I need.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

The Cracked Pot

Each of us has our own unique flaws.

We’re all cracked pots.

In this world, nothing goes to waste. You may think like the cracked pot that you are inefficient or useless in certain areas of your life, but somehow these flaws can turn out to be a blessing in disguise.”

Author Unknown

A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master’s house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water in his master’s house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. “I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you. “Why?” asked the bearer. “What are you ashamed of?” “I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master’s house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don’t get full value from your efforts,” the pot said.

The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, “As we return to the master’s house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path.” Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it somewhat. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.

The bearer said to the pot, “Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot’s side? That’s because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you’ve watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master’s table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house.”

Monday, March 5, 2012

All right! All Rise!

I was planning to compose a few words about this event but I felt it's better to let the graphics do the talking...


Thursday, March 1, 2012


Before my flight back to Manila from my adventures of the Great City of the Merlion, I recieved a text from a friend.

His Text: How was Wicked?

Me: Who's Wicked?

His Text: No one. I'm talking about the Musical Idiot!

Me: Oh Shit! I forgot!

So there I was, sitting at Changi Airport forgetting that Singapore is the only southeast Asian country playing the musical... and missing the opportunity to watch it.

I'm not really the play/musical guy... I guess that's the reason why it went in and out of my head faster than I can say "Oz!".

The last play I've seen was more than 10 years ago when my highschool Filipino teacher asked us (or I think we were forced) to watch El Fili in exchange for an easy A on a class project.

Since I'm turning a new leaf though, sort of my "new-you" thing, I decided to try and turn it up a notch by displaying that I too can play a little with the few which we call "alta's". Unfortunately, my first try at flying with the elite was crashed by my sheer forgetfulness bordering on stupidity.

So to satisfy my curiosity, I checked trusty "Wiki" about it while I'm waiting for my flight back home.

The musical is told from the perspective of the witches of the Land of Oz: Elphaba, the misunderstood girl with emerald-green skin, and Galinda, later Glinda, the beautiful, ambitious and popular blonde. Wicked tells the story in which these two unlikely friends grow to become the Wicked Witch of the West and the Good Witch of the North while struggling through opposing personalities and viewpoints, rivalry over the same love-interest, reactions to the Wizard's corrupt government, and, ultimately, Elphaba's public fall from grace. The plot begins before and continues after Dorothy's arrival from Kansas and includes references to locations, events, characters and situations from both the 1939 film and Baum's novel.

While the citizens of Oz celebrate the death of the Wicked Witch of the West, Glinda descends onto the stage in her bubble to confirm the circumstances of the Witch's melting. She recalls that the green-skinned Elphaba was conceived during an affair between the erstwhile Munchkin Governor's wife and a mysterious stranger with a bottle of green elixir. Everyone was repulsed by Elphaba from birth, so Glinda asks the Ozians to empathize. The remainder of the plot forms an extended flashback through the events of Glinda's and Elphaba's lives.

At Shiz University, the pair first meet amongst students reuniting with their friends. Elphaba is hardly surprised that all the students, including the popular but shallow Glinda (then named Galinda), revile her. The only reason that Elphaba is sent to Shiz is to take care of her beautiful, wheelchair-bound younger half-sister Nessarose, who is presented with a bejeweled pair of Silver Shoes, being her father's favorite. Despite Elphaba and Galinda's instant mutual loathing, Madame Morrible, Shiz's headmistress, makes them roommates. Elphaba had been excluded from Madame Morrible's Sorcery Seminar, but when Elphaba reveals an innate magical talent in sudden anger, Morrible notes that her talents may be of use to the Wizard of Oz. Elphaba dreams of what she and the Wizard could accomplish together. Galinda and Elphaba later write home about their unfortunate room-mate assignments. The students gather in a history class taught by Doctor Dillamond, a Goat and Shiz's only Animal professor, who keeps mispronouncing Galinda's name as "Glinda". After dismissing the class upon the discovery of an anti-Animal slogan on the blackboard, Doctor Dillamond confides in Elphaba that something is causing the Animals of Oz to lose their powers of speech. Elphaba believes that the Wizard is the only one who can help.

Fiyero, a Winkie prince, then arrives at Shiz and immediately impresses his own brand of mindless, cavalier and carefree living on the students. Besotted with Galinda, a Munchkin named Boq asks her to accompany him to a party at the Ozdust Ballroom, but having felt "perfect together" with Fiyero, Galinda asks him to invite Nessarose instead. Nessarose, not realising Galinda's real motives for getting Boq to ask her out, is delighted, and tells Elphaba that she wishes she could repay Galinda somehow. Later, Galinda discovers a black pointed hat in a box and gives it to Elphaba as a mock present. Elphaba, remembering how happy Galinda had made Nessarose (and not realising that she had ulterior motives), asks Madame Morrible to reconsider Galinda in her Sorcery Seminar, in return. When, however, Elphaba arrives to the party wearing the hat, she is only ridiculed. Defiant, she proceeds to dance alone without musical accompaniment. Feeling guilty, Galinda joins her, marking the start of their friendship. Meanwhile, Boq convinces Nessarose that it was not pity that prompted him to ask her out, but the fact that she is "so beautiful", not realizing the full extent of Nessarose's affections towards him. Back in their dorm, Elphaba tells Galinda that her mother had been fed milk-flowers to prevent her second child from being born green-skinned; the milk-flowers instead caused Nessarose to be born prematurely, which left her crippled whilst her mother died in childbirth. Feeling sympathetic, Galinda decides to give Elphaba a personality makeover, making her admirable to fellow students. The next day, Doctor Dillamond is abruptly taken away by Ozian officials. The new history teacher arrives with a caged lion cub as the subject of an in-class experiment, revealing that Animals are to be kept in a new invention he has created (cages), which removes their power of speech. He reveals that soon all Animals will be turned dumb, and Elphaba is outraged. She and Fiyero steal the cub and set it free, and as Elphaba begins to discover romantic feelings towards Fiyero, she personally reafirms that she "wasn't born" to be loved. Madame Morrible finds her, announcing that Elphaba has been granted an audience with the Wizard in the Emerald City.

At the train station, Galinda, Fiyero, Nessarose and Boq see Elphaba off, all happy for her accomplishment. When it becomes apparent that Boq is not genuinely interested in Nessarose, Galinda feels guilty and suggests that Boq is not the right person for Nessarose, who in turn insists that it is herself "that's not right." Elphaba expresses concern about leaving her younger sister, but a protesting Nessarose insists she will manage without her and leaves. In an attempt to impress Fiyero, Galinda announces that she will change her name to "Glinda" in honor of Doctor Dillamond's persistent mispronunciation. Fiyero fails to notice and leaves. Glinda breaks into tears. Feeling badly for Glinda, Elphaba invites her along to see the Wizard. After a day of bonding and sightseeing in the Emerald City, Elphaba and Glinda meet the Wizard. Eschewing the special effects he employs for the benefit of most visitors, he invites Elphaba to join him. As a test, he asks that Elphaba give his monkey servant, Chistery, the ability to fly using the Grimmerie – an ancient book of spells. Elphaba demonstrates an intrinsic understanding of the lost language contained in the book, and successfully gives Chistery wings. The Wizard then reveals a cage full of winged monkeys, proving the extent of Elphaba's powers, and remarks that they will make good spies to report any subversive Animal activity. Realizing that she has been used and that the fraudulent Wizard and Madame Morrible are responsible for the Animals in Oz losing their power of speech, a horrified Elphaba runs away with the Grimmerie. Glinda goes after her, pursued by the palace guards. She runs to the tallest tower, where they hear Madame Morrible declaring to Oz that Elphaba is a "Wicked Witch" and not to be trusted. Elphaba enchants a broomstick to fly and almost convinces Glinda to join her in her cause, but Glinda cannot resist the call of popularity as one of the Wizard's assistants, and refuses. Leaving Glinda behind and escaping the guards, Elphaba flies off towards the western sky, promising to fight the Wizard with all her power.

A few months have passed and Elphaba's opposition of the Wizard's regime has earned her the title "The Wicked Witch of the West". Rumor has it that the witch's soul is so impure that pure water could melt her. Glinda, now the Wizard's assistant and adored by everyone, pronounces herself engaged to Fiyero. Informing him that he has to accept the fact that Elphaba does not want to be found, Glinda puts on a happy front despite Fiyero's waning affections.

Meanwhile, Elphaba arrives at her old home, the Governor's residence in Munchkinland, seeking refuge. Nessarose is the Governor now, and laments that her father "died of shame" after Elphaba rebelliously defied the Wizard. She criticizes Elphaba for not using her new-found powers to help her own sister. Guilty, Elphaba enchants Nessarose's jeweled shoes, turning them into the ruby slippers and enabling her to walk. Boq is summoned, and he bemoans that Nessarose is as "wicked" as Elphaba for stripping the Munchkins of their rights and prohibiting them from leaving Munchkinland. Nessarose explains that she did this to keep Boq with her, but is sure that he will stay with her of his own accord now that she is no longer crippled. However, Boq insists that he should now be free to pursue Glinda instead, going so far as to brandish a knife when his "Madame Governor" refuses to let him go. Hurt and angry, Nessarose attempts to cast a spell from the Grimmerie to make Boq lose his heart to her, however her ability to understand the Lost Language of Spells is not as good as her sister's, and she mispronouces the magic words which causes Boq to literally lose his heart. While Elphaba attempts to save him, Nessarose reflects on how being "alone and loveless" has led to her wicked actions, and fears that she deserves her infamous new title ("The Wicked Witch of the East"). Elphaba says that nothing will ever be enough for her younger sister and leaves her for good, despite Nessarose's frantic pleas for her sister to stay. When Boq wakes up, he is horrified to discover that Elphaba has transformed him into a Tin Man, so he could live without a heart, and a desperate Nessarose lays the entire blame on her sister while Boq runs away in horror, believing that Elphaba has cursed him for leaving her sister.

Returning to the Wizard's palace, Elphaba tries to free the remaining winged monkeys. The Wizard attempts to regain her favor by agreeing to set them free, recounting how the Ozians hailed him as the Wonderful Wizard when he first came to Oz in a balloon from America. He explains that she could, likewise, be hailed by everyone if she joins him. Upon discovering the now-speechless Doctor Dillamond amongst the monkeys, however, Elphaba rejects his offer. While attempting to escape, she bumps into Fiyero, who runs away with her, confirming that he loves her in return. Glinda sees this and is crestfallen that she has been betrayed by those closest to her. When Glinda states that Elphaba can be lured by spreading a rumor that Nessarose is in danger, the fiendish Madame Morrible creates a cyclone that brings Dorothy's house to Oz and crushes Nessarose to death. During this, Fiyero and Elphaba express their love in a dark forest, but Elphaba senses that her sister is in danger. Before she flees to help, Fiyero explains to Elphaba that his family has an empty castle far away. He promises her she can hide there and that he will go to join her. She then flies to Nessarose, but she is too late, arriving just as Glinda sends Dorothy and Toto off along the Yellow Brick Road. The palace guards capture Elphaba, but Fiyero intervenes, allowing Elphaba to escape before surrendering himself. The guards drag him to a nearby cornfield to be tortured or even killed, unless he tells them of Elphaba's whereabouts. At the castle, Elphaba tries to cast any spell she can to save Fiyero, but thinking she has failed, she begins to accept her reputation as "wicked".

Dorothy, the Scarecrow, Boq – now the Tin Man – and the Cowardly Lion are sent to kill Elphaba. It is revealed that the Cowardly Lion is the lion cub Elphaba set free; Boq claims that she turned him into a coward by not letting him fight his own battles. Meanwhile, Elphaba captures Dorothy, refusing to release her until she relinquishes Nessarose's ruby slippers – the only things left of her dead sister. Glinda travels to Elphaba's castle to warn her of the trouble and persuade her to let Dorothy go. Although Elphaba refuses, the two women forgive each other for all grievances, acknowledging they have both made mistakes. Elphaba makes Glinda promise not to clear her name and to take charge in Oz, allowing Elphaba to disappear. The two friends embrace for the last time before saying goodbye forever. Immediately after, when Dorothy throws a bucket of water on Elphaba, the witch appears to melt away. Glinda, not quite sure what has happened, sees that all that remains of her friend is her black hat and a vial of green elixir. Back at the Emerald City, Glinda reminds the Wizard that he has an identical bottle, and it is revealed that the Wizard is Elphaba's father, being the stranger with whom her mother had an affair. Madame Morrible surmises that Elphaba had special powers because she was a child of both Oz and the outside world. Glinda orders the Wizard to leave Oz in his balloon and sends Madame Morrible to prison before preparing to face the citizens of Oz, returning to the opening scene of the show.
Meanwhile, Fiyero had in fact been turned into the Scarecrow when Elphaba had cast spells, therefore saving him from the Ozian guards' spears in the cornfield. He opens a trap door in Elphaba's castle, down which she had descended, only pretending to die for the benefit of the others. While Elphaba and Fiyero leave Oz forever, Glinda continues her bittersweet celebration with the citizens of Oz. They gaze up at the sky, individually appreciating their true friendship and acknowledging that they have changed for the better because they knew each other.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Last Line

 Last Feb 11, I decided to post what should’ve been the first part of a 2 part entry about may recent encounter with Mavie aka Angelito. (read it here)

Mavié look alike

It was actually a good meet-up. And based on the chemistry that night, I even thought it will go beyond that.

Until a week after when I thought that one fine night with him is enough to consider another life with him, there he goes again.

The second part of the entry is 90% finished sitting in a small corner of my laptop awaiting its fate.

Why post this alternate then when nobody even reads my blog?

I felt I had too... for me.

Hoping that removing three words enclosed in prenthesis will warrant a closure. 

So now the first part remains... sans the last line.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

There and Back Again

2011's last second

I stood silently outside the gate peeking at the slightly opened door. The sound of the second instalment of a film about wrapped Egyptian cadavers starring Brendan Frasier was screaming out of the TV and reverberating out of the house cutting the cold silence of the dark street.

I knew he has seen this film a million times and knew the lines all too well. He barely paid attention to it as he sat on the small dining table slicing and dicing potatoes while a constant steam cried out of a pot a few feet away from him.

After a while, he stood up and placed the cut tubers into the boiling broth. The door suddenly opened wide and out comes butcher and scrapper happily barking and wagging their tail. They still know me.

Flashback to Christmas 2011...

His text message: Merry Christmas!

I replied: Likewise =)

Fast forward to New Year’s eve...

“Happy New Year! Asan ka?”

I received the SMS on my way home from work. I decided not to reply to his message... at least not right away. 

I got home, slept and replied five hours before the first 2012 midnight. 

“Just woke up!”

He replied back immediately. 

“Happy New Year Mavié! Kamusta ka na? Pwede ba kitang tawagan?”


Once upon a time, my prince called me his  Mavié ... until our fairytale failed to meet its happy ending.

And now he’s back calling me “his life” again.

I composed and erased 5 or 6 possible messages before coming up in what I think is the best reply.


I went downstairs skipping every other step just in time to beat my dad from picking up the phone. It wasn’t because I’m excited to talk to him. I just don’t want anyone to know he called.

We talked. We laughed. We caught up. We were speeding down the memory lane. It was as if the last five months never happened.

Then, the conversation shifted to a serious gear.

“Sa bahay ka lang ba tonight?” He asked.


“Kasi kung hindi ka mag-spend ng New Year sa inyo, punta ka na lang dito. Kaming dalawa lang naman ni daddy dito sa bahay...”

“Uhmmmm... I’m going out kasi with friends. Punta kami ng Ayala. Dun kami mag-spend ng New Year. I can’t promise you anything but sige, I’ll try.” I blurted out in rapid succession. 

Makati 2012 Globe
I admit, I panicked. I didn’t know what to say. I was just not ready for that. And before I can take it back, it was too late.

And then I heard him say “okay” in the most disappointed tone I’ve heard him use.

 Part of me rejoiced that at last, I had my vengeance... no matter how small it was. Part of me felt bad for the poor guy.

The devil in left shoulder laughed, the angel in my right, cried. Both were riding the rollercoaster in my emotional amusement park.

In the annual New Year Party in the Philippines’ Premier Business District, I watch the Makati sky lit up thinking if he was also looking at the same pyrotechnics. 

New Year Fireflies in Makati CBD sky.
I decided to take a rain check. I thought this is not the right time. I wanna start my year right... by living life and loving myself a little bit more. After all, how can you love anyone if you can’t love yourself?  

“Uy... Di na ako makakadaan diyan sa inyo. Lasing na lasing na ako.” I lied. “I’ll make bawi na lang to you. Promise!” I’m not sure if lying is a good way to start the year too.

Five weeks after the start of the New Year, I’ve been to Singapore and back and I guess there’s no sense in avoiding the inevitable... besides, I brought him something from Singapore.

It’s time to make “bawi na".

From the other side of their gate, I was playing with Butcher and Scrapper with apparent longing that I didn’t notice that he was already standing in the door watching me play with his dogs. I was met with the blinding flash of his angelic smile.

I tried to answer it with a beaming one of my own. 

And then he opened his gates and welcomed me inside his home.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Photowalk: Intramuros

Last summer, I bought a cannon SLR as a gift to myself and as a part of my summer stash for my annual holy week vacation. Truth be told that I have only used it less than the number of my fingers... in one hand.

One, because I was so busy at work I never got the chance to tinker my new toy. Two, those were the times that my relationship began crumbling down that taking photography classes went straight down the bottom of my priority list.

Now, ten months later and no longer grieving (I think), I have so much time for myself that when my office buddies invited me to join them for a photowalk, my answer was a resounding yes. 

Call it a post-relationship hobby. 

There were five of us including me and 3 out of 5 chose Canon as weapon of choice. One has a Sony and the other, Nikon. Knowing that they have been doing this for almost a year, I announced my ignorance on the art as soon as I heard the first click.

I got mixed reception. One in particular whose only advice to me was to go automatic, point and shoot. The other three were fairly supportive and pitched in to help me hone my skills. 

As soon as I got home, I uploaded the stills in my laptop and checked on it one by one. As expected, 90 percent was a dud. The lighting was off on some while I chose the wrong perspective on others. A lot were out of focus. 

According to Jason though, the most supportive of the bunch, it was not bad for a first time. I don’t know if he was telling the truth or just being nice. I think it’s the former. Nevertheless, I am seriously pursuing this leisure. 

Overall, I had a blast. I enjoyed it a lot honestly, I get to appreciate my camera and learned new things. 

And here are some of the results of my first photoshoot.