There and Back Again

2011's last second

I stood silently outside the gate peeking at the slightly opened door. The sound of the second instalment of a film about wrapped Egyptian cadavers starring Brendan Frasier was screaming out of the TV and reverberating out of the house cutting the cold silence of the dark street.

I knew he has seen this film a million times and knew the lines all too well. He barely paid attention to it as he sat on the small dining table slicing and dicing potatoes while a constant steam cried out of a pot a few feet away from him.

After a while, he stood up and placed the cut tubers into the boiling broth. The door suddenly opened wide and out comes butcher and scrapper happily barking and wagging their tail. They still know me.

Flashback to Christmas 2011...

His text message: Merry Christmas!

I replied: Likewise =)

Fast forward to New Year’s eve...

“Happy New Year! Asan ka?”

I received the SMS on my way home from work. I decided not to reply to his message... at least not right away. 

I got home, slept and replied five hours before the first 2012 midnight. 

“Just woke up!”

He replied back immediately. 

“Happy New Year Mavié! Kamusta ka na? Pwede ba kitang tawagan?”

Mavié...

Once upon a time, my prince called me his  Mavié ... until our fairytale failed to meet its happy ending.

And now he’s back calling me “his life” again.

I composed and erased 5 or 6 possible messages before coming up in what I think is the best reply.

“Okay...”

I went downstairs skipping every other step just in time to beat my dad from picking up the phone. It wasn’t because I’m excited to talk to him. I just don’t want anyone to know he called.

We talked. We laughed. We caught up. We were speeding down the memory lane. It was as if the last five months never happened.

Then, the conversation shifted to a serious gear.

“Sa bahay ka lang ba tonight?” He asked.

“Why?”

“Kasi kung hindi ka mag-spend ng New Year sa inyo, punta ka na lang dito. Kaming dalawa lang naman ni daddy dito sa bahay...”

“Uhmmmm... I’m going out kasi with friends. Punta kami ng Ayala. Dun kami mag-spend ng New Year. I can’t promise you anything but sige, I’ll try.” I blurted out in rapid succession. 

Makati 2012 Globe

I admit, I panicked. I didn’t know what to say. I was just not ready for that. And before I can take it back, it was too late.

And then I heard him say “okay” in the most disappointed tone I’ve heard him use.

 Part of me rejoiced that at last, I had my vengeance... no matter how small it was. Part of me felt bad for the poor guy.

The devil in left shoulder laughed, the angel in my right, cried. Both were riding the rollercoaster in my emotional amusement park.

In the annual New Year Party in the Philippines’ Premier Business District, I watch the Makati sky lit up thinking if he was also looking at the same pyrotechnics. 

New Year Fireflies in Makati CBD sky.

I decided to take a rain check. I thought this is not the right time. I wanna start my year right... by living life and loving myself a little bit more. After all, how can you love anyone if you can’t love yourself?  

“Uy... Di na ako makakadaan diyan sa inyo. Lasing na lasing na ako.” I lied. “I’ll make bawi na lang to you. Promise!” I’m not sure if lying is a good way to start the year too.

Five weeks after the start of the New Year, I’ve been to Singapore and back and I guess there’s no sense in avoiding the inevitable... besides, I brought him something from Singapore.

It’s time to make “bawi na".

From the other side of their gate, I was playing with Butcher and Scrapper with apparent longing that I didn’t notice that he was already standing in the door watching me play with his dogs. I was met with the blinding flash of his angelic smile.

I tried to answer it with a beaming one of my own. 

And then he opened his gates and welcomed me inside his home.