A Letter to God

Dear God,

I know we've been doing a lot of serious conversations lately. However, I still can't help but feel ashamed for I would only remember you when I need you. I hope you can find it in your good heart to forgive me.

Today I want to thank you for your kind gift. I really appreciated it.

No. Really loved it.

In fact, I still love it so much even though you took it away from me immediately despite the reality that you already gave it an expiration date.

I found you again because your gift was both overwhelming and frightening. During our talks, I have shared with you my increasing fear of losing your present. I'm horrified as everyday I spent with your gift is a day closer to a preset expiration date you alone know.

I wish you could have made it forever.

I was ready to make it forever... or at least until the last day.

But just like your other presents before this, I guess you have a different plan for me as well as my gift. I just wished I understand why.

I know our recent small chats has been the most in many years and I'm quite aware that it does not give me the right to ask anything from you. But with heavy heart and teary eyes, I'm asking anyway. I hope you can indulge me.

Please extend this special parcel's shelf life. Please take away the gift's pain. Not for me but for those people that love this present as much as I do.

And if you are feeling generous today, please take away my pain too. I would have hold on to your gift till the end.

Your Prodigal Son,
Silvan

Angel: Round Two

Nagising ako ng maramdaman ko na umiinit ang pagkalalake ko. Masarap na mainit. 

Kaya pala...

Ang baby isinususubo ulit ang pag-aari ko habang pinaglalaruan niya ang kanyang micro-mini me (bakit micro-mini? basahin ang mga previous post tungkol kay Angel). My hand slowly crawled down to his head gently urging him to carry on. Tumingin siya sa akin at ngumiti habang subo-subo ang medyo nagmamatigas ng titi ko.  

Normally, kung ako ay nasa balur at ang sisterette ko o si mother ang nag-may-I-knock-on-your-door sa room ko, nagsupersaiyan na ako sa galit at nag-hame-hame wave sa pinto. Eh tengene naman! Kung ganito naman ang gigising sa akin, eh ibang usapan yan. My day would always start with good vibes.

Ang bawat ungol habang nakasubo sa mainit niyang bibig ang aking pagkalalaki ay nagdadala sa akin sa ibang dimenyson. Ang mga bawat sulyap niya sa akin habang dinidilaan ang haba ng pagkalalaki ko ay nagbibigay sa akin ng nakakalibog na kiliti. Habang pinapanood ko si Pao na tinatrabaho ako, tumigas na ng malala si jun-jun. Di ko mapigilan di sumabay sa kanyang ungol.

After a while, napagod na yata dahil sumasabit-sabit na naman ang mga ipin niya sa burat ko. At dahil nasasaktan na ako at naawa naman ako sa kanya eh binawi ko na ang aking pagaari sa kanyang wet and wild na bibig at nagbayas na lang. Si Baby Pao naman umangat na lang at tinutok na lang ang pansin sa mga perky nipples ko...

at sa leeg...

at sa tenga...

at sa lips where it turned me on so much, my body twitched... a sure sign that another explosion is eminent.

Naramdaman din siguro ni baby Pao ang panginginig ng heavenly body ko kaya biglang na pa lingon sa mahigpit kong pagsakal at mabilis na pag-bayo kay jun-jun. Sumabay na din siya ng bayo sa kanyang cute na pag-aari. In a few moments naglaunch na ang mga missiles ko. 

“Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!” Napaungol ako bigla habang iniisip ko na pinupuno ko ang butas ni baby Pao ng mainit kong mga punla.

One, two, three, four, five...

Limang sunod-sunod na putok ang napanood ni Pao. Para lang siyang pyro-musical sans the music. Sa sobrang sarap ng bawat pagsabog, I did not notice his warm, slimy, boyjuice sitting in my obliques that began slowly dripping down my side.

Biglang tumahimik ulit ang mundo. Parehas kaming hingal na hingal.

After a minute or two, I look at him. I wanted to touch his angelic face pero puro tamod ang kamay ko. I smiled and declared in all honesty, “Ansarap!”

He answered with his unforgettable smile followed by an equally hot grin.

We went to the bathroom, washed and patted each other dry. After that, we went back to the bed to really called it a night.

And just before I fell asleep, I hugged him tight and I just can't stop myself from whispering. “Sana akin ka na lang...”

Overanalyzing 2

I called... for the Nth time. He answered.

I was mad but still, I controlled my temper.

I said, "You have no reason not to answer the phone last night."  Painfully mustering all my self control.

He reasoned out, "I pulled a double shift."

I replied, "You have no reason not to answer the phone last night."

He explained, "I was so tired."

I answered back, "You have no reason not to answer the phone last night. Period!"

Then there was silence. I guess he got my point.

"Come here... please"

"Alright..."

I arrived one and a half hours later on a travel time that could have only took 30 minutes at the longest. I did it on purpose.

I arrived at his place. I was greeted first by his dogs.
We both fell quiet for what it feels like forever.

He said the same shit. I answered back with the same crap.

I stood up and told him I'm going home.

He begged me to stay for a while longer. I did.

He hugged me. I hugged him back, his hug tighter than mine.

He said sorry.

And then he cried. I didn't.

I guess I already cried myself dry. Thanks to my Ex. I can hear my imaginary i-pod playing Rihanna's “Take a Bow”.

But still, I was touched, yet again.

He kissed me.

Somehow, the sweet tingling sensation isn't there.

Mavie... strike two!

No More, Officially

Yesterday, the construction began. I woke up to the sound of a breaking house crying for mercy. With a mug of freshly brewed coffee, I watched from my sister’s gate as heavy metals savagely break the walls of the house where I grew up.

I winced as the morning air carried the dust and sound of crunching wood. Nails screeched in protest as they were pulled away one by one to yank the galvanized steel roof.

My mom was already awake and sitting just outside the gate unperturbed by the carnage. I sat beside her as we sip our hot beverage together watching the destruction of the place we once called home.

I was happy. We were doing an upgrade to a home that I am going to be proud. I was sad. We are losing a cozy home that has seen a lot of events that taught us the value of life.

“Matatapos sila bukas. Tapos, maghuhukay na para sa pundasyon.” My mom unemotionally explained.

I answered with a silent sip on my mug.

I had an early lunch and went to the gym. I did my 30 minute cardio, 40 minute abs workout and my usual Monday chest – biceps routine. By the time I’m back, our house was reduced to rubble. The whole 2nd floor was gone and most of the 1st was just a pile of wood, steel and boulders.

My sister, who took the pleasure of being our gracious host for the next 3 months, offered her guestroom and her son’s room for us to stay in. Mom, my youngest sister, our trusty helper and I stayed at the guestroom while my other sister, her hubby and their daughter made my little nephew’s room their own. Since my work week starts at 2.30am the day after, I washed up and made a beeline to the guestroom’s couch to catch my z’s.

Or at least I tried.

Every time I open the door to an either sweet dream or beautiful nightmare, a Beyonce worthy noise will wake call me back to the real world thanks to the contractors and their mighty powerful tools.
 
The end result was a very grumpy and sleepy elf.

I went to work with very little sleep and even very little patience. I hailed a cab and slept the whole way to my office in Eastwood hoping what little sleep I get will change my mood.

The moment I sat in my station, I knew a tension crept through my cluster like a cold wash. My workmates felt it too as most of them skipped the normal greeting and carried on with their work. I took my coffee mug out of my pedestal, washed it and filled it with a fresh brew piping in the nearby empty station turned pantry. While I waited for my computer to boot up, I took a warm sip and was glad that at least it shaved off some of my unusual edge a bit.

Thank God for coffee.

No.

Thank God for freshly brewed coffee.

In times like this, I need a fresh pot of good quality brew. Anything less will do nothing more than release the devil in me.

3 hours and a refill later, I was starting to get that good vibes. I’m starting to get warm all over. The usual jester is starting to crawl out of me. By lunch, I was almost my usual self.

I struggled through the last few hours but left the office with just 4 backlogs. Not bad for a day that started in a bad mood.

I went straight to the gym but I can feel an unusual tiredness half way through my cardio. I step off the treadmill and tried to get the most out of my abs workout and skipped my leg work out all together.

I went home and was welcomed by an almost empty lot. Our entire house was gone save some old but re-usable timbers and slightly rusty roofs which is being removed and transported to a nearby junk shop while everything that can’t be recycled is being burned.

Our house is officially no more.

I walked into my sister’s house feeling a part of me was lost forever.

And as I inhale the smoky air, I knew that there’s an empty space in my heart now... a void that can never be filled.

Sale for the Pre-loved

Our 2 tiered, 4 roomed, circa 70’s designed abode is getting a long overdue makeover courtesy of my older and younger brother based in New Zealand and Canada respectively.

It was their gift to the entire family as destiny graciously repaid their hard work abroad.

The renovation that will redesign our old traditional, weathered wood house to a stylish, contemporary, concrete cavern will take 3 months to complete. That’s 92 days of organized chaos by a team of highly skilled contractors armed with heavy machineries wrecking their way through our house so that it can be completed before the bitter typhoon season.

2 weeks ago, we decided to pack. Thanks to my older sister who moved out years ago after she got married, my mom and all us who hasn’t left the nest yet plus our handy helper will now temporarily live opposite our house while the construction is in full swing.

One box after another, we slowly started pulling out and moving things into my sister’s casa. Then as we slowly empty the house that my siblings and I grew in, we realized that along with the architectural makeover, we need to do an interior design overhaul too as most of our furniture is as ancient as our house.

As we knew we will be leaving stuff as much as we will keep, my ever brilliant younger sister hatched a plan to profit from it. She suggested that we should have a garage sale for all things unneeded. She pointed out that a garage sale will take away all items due for an upgrade while earning enough cash to buy new ones. All unsold items will then be donated to charity or given to those who want it.

I second the motion. Everyone agreed.

A couple of days before the garage sale weekend, I rummaged through my stuff and started with my prized possessions.

Thanks to my dad to whom I got my penchant for paper filled narratives, my collection which I started in high school, is now over 200 tomes. I unceremoniously took them out of their shelves and carefully placed them in empty cardboard boxes.

Then I continued with my gadgets and moved forward with my clothes.

I sifted through my clothes choosing which ones are still worth wearing and which ones would go straight to the box I promptly labelled “For Garage Sale”.

By the time I’m done, I ended with 5 huge boxes. Half of which, was filled with books with one box for the weekend sale.

The box had some trinkets from my domestic and international trips, 2 pairs of tennis shoes, a handful of designer flip flops, some belts and clothing enough to decently fill someone’s wardrobe. The whole box can fetch us 2500 Php easy.

Fast forward to that weekend...

Day 1 started unusually early but the sale started surprisingly slow. We opened our make shift store at 8am. It took over an hour and one very frustrated sister before the first customer arrived. By lunch, my sister only sold 5 items.

Fortunately, the business picked up after lunch as more people flocked the front of our house like moths to a flame. Some used their best haggling talents while others just conveniently paid the price tag. Some were just there to see what the commotion was. My sister and my mom can’t keep up with the customers so everyone pitched in.

The things I shared were almost sold out by the time the first day closed. Mostly the buyers were twenty something, metrosexual men or seemingly straight guys that I can only assumed are flying under the gaydar.

There was even this very cute guy who was just visiting his friend from our neighbourhood who scribbled his number on the 500 bill he paid me as I completed a deal over a pair of shoes and a date right before we closed for the day. Of course, his number went straight to my phonebook while his bill went straight to the cash register.

The first day cleared almost half of the items we sold... pre-loved things we gave up to be loved by someone else.

The next day wasn’t as profitable. But overall, the 2-day, garage sale went well. With almost three quarters of what we put up sold, we earned enough to upgrade our old living room couch, buy a new washing machine and with a few extra bucks thrown in, a new dining table.

That night, we celebrated as mom cooked her special Kare-kare and Ginataang Bilo-bilo. That was the last time she cooked in our kitchen and the first time in a very long while, the whole family ate together.

photo here