In Memoriam

Mavié B, outstanding quality analyst for a world-known company and a hopeful writer / blogger of www.silverwing-angel.blogspot.com, died this morning from complications of losing his soul mate and his lover.

He was 25 years old.

Outspoken and a comic, Mavié was and always been a hopeless romantic… a persona that he magnificently revealed to the world during his one year and two month relationship with his reputed soul mate until the final days of his life.

Sadly, his pursuit for true love ended late Tuesday night in complete and utter failure. Yet even in certain defeat, the daring and brave Mavié secretly clung to the belief that everything happens for a reason and that life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences but rather, it’s a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan.

Ultimately, Mavié concluded that if we are to live life in harmony with the universe, we must all possess a powerful faith in what the ancients used to call "fatum", what we currently refer to as destiny.

High School Blues

I kissed him with fervent passion, our tongues intertwined as our sides stroked up against each other. He moaned into my mouth, I grabbed his dick and started slowly stroking it. 

Our 1st time, and me about to lose my virginity.

I took his rock hard pole out. It was already jizzing precum, I smirked, as I quickly lick it off, and kissed him. I quickly took his dick in my mouth as if I was hungry and haven't eaten in weeks. His eyes widen as he let out a loud moan. I kept going. 

I heard him gasp. I kept sucking him for all he was worth and loving every moment of it. He screamed my name. The wind blew in his hair, as I looked up at his beautiful eyes in the sunlight. That look in his eyes, I knew he was there. He screamed in pure pleasure. Not wanting to look weak, I swallowed, it was good and it was really good! 

I knew I'd be doing that quite often. "I-it's 1:00, we gotta go back to school.” 

I sighed, as I got myself straighten out. I look back to see if he was ready. He was. He stood up shaking as he held my hand and we walked off back towards the school. I smirked. "Enjoyed it?" I asked. 

He nodded. "That was amazing...I need to come over your house so we can...ya know, finish." He continued blushing. Damn he's so cute! "Heard that right!"

We walked back up to our high school. We made it just in time, I kissed him good bye, as he got on his school bus.

Passing

I rose and proceeded down the aisle...

towards the filled casket.

I stood at the brink and slowly looked over the edge. I used to be scared of death. Not anymore. I saw there, his calm shell. I couldn't cry. He hates it when I do. There would be mourning of course, but for now, seeing him lying there, peaceful, is enough.

They said he died with his family by his side. I'm sorry I wasn't there.

Now, his eyes closed a smile on his lips, and his heart open. He let so many people into his heart, that even in death, he brings life. I couldn't help but smile. My love was at peace. I slowly folded my hands and said a prayer to him.

As I finished, I looked into his face and mouthed the words...

Queer as Manila Folk

 I was rushing to work this evening when I stumble on an old friend.

James is actually a friend of my best friend’s boyfriend and we were introduced to each other years before we actually became close friends. And when I brought in my ex to join our small gang, he and my ex became BFF’s.

Since the rain decided to drop in unexpectedly, we found ourselves stuck in "Shangri La" waiting for the heavy downpour to end but shared an opportunity to catch up. I found out that he already broke up with his beau of more than 10 years, Sonny, and now a manager of a shoe boutique.

It’s good to see old friends again. It’s like going back to the place where you grew up or looking on a dusty, old photograph. Good times just keep rising from the depths of our memories leaving the bad times at the back of our mind. I remember spending every night in their (Sonny and his) humble, Al Fresco Resto doing nothing but eat and watch "teleserye’s" while playing Scrabble or Monopoly. We laughed ourselves until the wee hours of the morning. I wish we have met on a moment when I’m not pressed for time or he is not on his way to meet his current boyfriend.

As the evening shower slowly wanes, we went our separate ways. He asked for my number, my Facebook account with an invite that we should meet again soon as well as a favor to ask.

Once, a long long time ago, back when we still had our regular prime time "teleserye" marathon while trying to "avoid getting in jail" and fighting each other over "Boardwalk", I shared a passage to him

It was actually a good passage. It made me believe in God again. I promised that I’ll send him a copy of the passage.

I just sent it to him a few minutes ago and I’m sharing it with you guys now. Hope it will have the same impact to you guys as it did to me.

"I think God appreciates it even more because he created you in his image.

At least that's what I was always taught.

And since God is love and God doesn't make mistakes, then you must be exactly the way he wants you to be.

And that goes for every person, every planet, every mountain, every grain of sand, every song, every tear... and every faggot.

We're all his….and He loves us all."

-Ted, Queer as Folk

Hark a Herald Angel Writes

Last February, I took the arduous responsibility of launching my own BLOG. I say “arduous” because you see, that was the moment when my former client decided that their money are best spent elsewhere and unceremoniously ramped the account down to a close.

My job über demanded so much time that giving birth to my own cyberplace in the cyberuniverse was something that only a submissive masochist will carry out.

Whilst I find gratification in soreness and pain, I have my agenda. Amidst all the ruckus of my otherwise dull, peaceful life, I find an unsure tranquility when I put pen to paper. Having followers to admire and enjoy your literary skills is just a by-product should you let go of the conventional ink on paper and fly over and take on the cyber world via the wonders of digital letter.

To put it in plain words, blogging became my literary zen. 7 months later and with considerably less weighty yoke than when I started, I’m still at it.

And with 2 more joining my flock of readers that seem to be suprisingly pleased with my rants and raves, I’m on the starting line of a challenge to write more work.

For You...

For the past week, we had a couple of fights. We threatened to cut each other's head off and tears rolled like salty mudslides over the contours of our faces.  Blood was almost spilt. Feelings have been hurt repeatedly over trust that's been broken.

But then.

We kissed. We make up. We fight. We considered breaking up. We talk. We kissed.

NOTE: WE TALK. WE KISSED. WE MAKE UP.

So to you who is trying his best to win my husband...

Oo ikaw! Alam kong binabasa mo ang blog ko. Para sa iyo ito...

He loves me, I love him.

FACT: I am the legal husband.

FACT: Kabit ka.

Tigilan mo kami! He did proved to me that he won't give me up as long as we love each other and we both are willing to work it out, there's no way in hell I'm giving him up.

Not to you. Not to anyone else.

Wrong Send

My phone vibrated in sync with my boyfriend’s moment to set off from work. I knew it was him even before I unlocked my phone and read the text message.

"Pauwi nko ynaro. 2log himbing. Mwah! Love you!"

Sarap pakingan ano? The problem is, our term of endearment is MAVIE and not YNARO.

I replied.

"WRONG SEND KA!!"

He texted back.

"Mavie ko "ynaro" means "my love" sa japanese. Hnd po ako wrong send syo."

Natameme naman ako.  I was embarassed, almost apologetic. Maybe I just over reacted... or maybe not. So I went scampering to the other side of the production floor en route to the workforce bay cause I know for a fact that one of those schedule keepers did hard time in the land of the rising sun.

Me: Jane, what's the japanese word for "My love"?

Jane: Huh? Sorry I can't remember.

Me: Is it Ynaro?

Jane: Well, I'm pretty sure it's not.

By this time I'm already fuming. Nanginginig na ako sa galit. But still, I stayed calm. Jane said she's pretty sure "Ynaro" is not the translation for "My Love." But then again, she also said she can't remember her Nihongo. At this point, I need certainty and "pretty sure" is not sure enough.

I search for the english translation of "Ynaro" both in Yahoo and Google. The closest possible english translation was the spanish word "Enero" for the first month of the year.

Maybe I got the darn spelling wrong kaya nag-search pa ako for the english translations of, "Inaro", "Ynaru" and "Inaru".

Nada.

My anger shifted to pain... cardiac pain. I'm hurting big time. Still, I forged on and tried seeking out for answers and hoped that my last resort will come bearing fruits... and not the bitter kind.

I translated three possible variation of the japanese word in 2 translator websites.

Love - ai

I Love you - Ai shi teru

My Love - watashi no koi / watashi no ai

My eyes were fixed at the glimmering LCD monitor hoping if I stared at it long enough the information might changed. I went down and sat outside the building, composed myself and pushed his mobile number on my phone with bitter pain.

Who I thought was watashi no koi was engaging in a sankaku kankei.

1 year and 1 month after he asked me to be his boyfriend, I seriously considered giving him up. Sana sinaksak na lang niya ako. At least after my blood flowed out of my body, it would also carry away my worries, my pain and my life I planned to share with him.   

Gym Rants: The Good, The Bad and The Fugly 2

Read the first part here.

Now, all 3 guys are not my friends. We don't talk to each other except for Mr Fugly's indecent attempts to engage with everyone, which is always ignored and Mr Good's rare hi's or 'zup's which I totally look forward to answering back with unemotional nods. I never had any engagement with Mr Bad until one fateful Monday morning when all of us found ourselves working out at the same time.

===================================

After frequenting the same gym for more than 3 years, I had become acquainted with most of the regulars who worked out there. And ever since Mavié and I become partners, I was never the one to use my workout time as a way of meeting men. I was serious about the time I spent there and wanted to work on my body as much as possible.  I was proud of the work that I had done and my dedication was evident in the stares of some when they would catch a glimpse of me.

One morning, I was done through my routine and on my way to the shower to cool off when I saw Mr Fugly dripping in perspiration (or dripping in fat, LOL) as he went out of the steam room perpetually using his gym time to desperately hook up more than loose the unwanted weight. I thought, “Oh Fuck!!! Here we go again!”

Now, as far as face value is concerned, I’m neither very attractive nor seriously hopeless but I’m very straight acting. 

Again, I don't mind Mr Fugly. I don't even mind him cruising. What I do mind is that when he started his sexual “gymscapades” and zeroed in on a target, he wouldn’t let the poor marked man go even if you have rejected him over and over. This usually happens when there are only two or three people using the steam room and/or sauna. Unfortunately, working on a night shift and working out after shift when the gym just got open, more often than not, I always end up alone with him in the sauna. 

I don’t want to be mean nor rude but this fat guy totally deserves it.

While in the shower, I lamented over the warm water whether I would use the sauna and steam room or just go home. 10 minutes later, I chose to take a pass on the rooms. I wanted to use it and relax specially after a very hard day’s work but with Mr Fugly lurking in and out of both the steam room and sauna, I just won’t be able too. 

On my way back to the locker area, I noticed at least two guys were using the sauna. I decided to stay a while and use it. When I opened the door, I saw not just two guys, but two hot guys. I was met by Mr Bad’s raised eyebrows while the other hottie, has his eyes closed apparently enjoying the hot, dry atmosphere much to some prying eyes’ pleasure. They were sitting on opposite corner. I decided to sit in between them, closed my eyes as well and enjoyed sweating out. 

The other guy went out of the hot room followed by the entrance of the fat cruiser. Mr Bad left the Sauna immediately. I followed soon after and decided to use the steam room. I saw Mr Bad at the far end of the steam room, again staring at me with contempt in his eyes. I don’t know why but he did. But between Mr Bad’s stare and Mr Fugly’s sexual innuendos, I choose Mr Bad. I sat near the door though just in case he turns hostile. Again, I closed my eyes and just enjoyed the steam.

5 minutes later, Mr Bad left the steam room slamming the door shut with force that could’ve broken the door. I didn’t notice it much until he did the same at sauna door when I abandoned the steam room for the sauna because Mr Fugly entrance of the room. Again, Mr Bad left the sauna slamming the door shut with a complimentary curse on the side. There could’ve been a lot of reason why it happened but I can’t help but feel offended on what he did specially when there’s just the two of us in the room.

I stayed in the steam room and hoped that Mr Fugly left the gym already. But then, just when I thought Mr. Fugly is gone, the steam room door opened. I didn’t know who it was initially because I had my eyes closed. I thought it was Mr Fugly but when I opened my eyes and looked at the guy, it was Mr Good in all of his hotness who smiled at me.

( to be continued)